Questions, Answers and Myth Busters: Things Every Pregnant and TTC Woman Should Know

[MsNelle5]

I thought I would start a thread for all mothers, soon-to-be mothers, and TTC CBs to post any questions and get answers about pregnancy or raising a child, and also to shatter all of those pregnancy and parenting myths.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, a myriad of emotions ran thru my body. Everything from what would I name him/her to am I fit enough to raise a child...

Then everyone came at me with all of their "advice." What to and not to do. How to lower a fever, how to breastfeed, why I should or shouldn't breastfeed, what kind of foods to give the baby, what it means if your stomach is high or low, etc etc.

Then AFTER the baby is born and you have the line of people waiting at your door to see the baby, you get protective and make everyone wash their hands and not breathe too close next to the child...your mother will tell you everything that you are doing WRONG and that she didn't need all these "newfangled gadgets" to raise a child back in the day ("A wipe warmer? What you need THAT for? I didn't have that when YOU were born!")

So CBs (and CGs as well), please post your questions and advice here so we can all learn from each other. We have a support system on this board and I would like to see us begin to use it in other ways as well. :)

[MsNelle5]

Although my mother laughed at me and asked me if I thought she and my Grandmother had a book "back in the day" when they were raising children, as a new mother (unexperienced, uneducated, and frightened about raising MY child) I found the following books very helpful:

Your Pregnancy Week-by-Week by Dr. Glade Curtis
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1555612601.01._PE_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg
When you're pregnant, there is nothing more exciting than keeping up with the drastic changes your body undergoes on a weekly basis. In Your Pregnancy Week by Week, Glade B. Curtis, M.D. (Your Pregnancy Questions and Answers, Your Pregnancy After Thirty) has written a clear, easy to follow guidebook. Each "week" includes information on: How Big Is Your Baby?, How Big Are You?, How Your Baby Is Growing and Developing, Changes in You, How Your Actions Affect Your Baby's Development, You Should Also Know, a Weekly tip for Dad, plus dozens of boxes, checklists, charts and sidebars for quick and easy reference. With the exception of the You Should Also Know sections (which sometimes focus on rare problems and concerns), the tone of the book is informative, chatty and reassuring. An extensive, excellent glossary adds value. Your Pregnancy Week by Week seems intended to both simplify and expand on the information an inexperienced or first-time mother-to-be receives from her medical provider. It is especially ideal for very young pregnant women seeking to better understand the changes in their bodies.

Your Baby's First Year Week-by-Week by Dr. Glade Curtis
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1555612326.01._PE30_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg
Continuing Your Pregnancy Week by Weeks format after the baby is born physical and social development for the first year.

This time Curtis and Schuler take new parents past the birth and into the realm of baby care, week by week, for 52 weeks. This upbeat book emphasizes well-baby care and how parents can facilitate their babys social, emotional, physical and intellectual development. Charts, boxes and spot art appear throughout the book. Easy-to-read two-page charts detail your babys development.

Contents include:

Baby massage
Basic baby care
Bonding with your baby
Baby gear
Common medical problems
Developing cognitive, social and motor skills through play
How big is your baby this week?
Milestones this week (social, emotional, physical, intellectual)
Special considerations for each week
Toys and play this week

Your Pregnancy For The Father-To-Be: Everything You Need To Know About Pregnancy, Childbirth, And Getting Ready For Your New Baby by Dr. Glade Curtis
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1555613454.01._PE_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg
From the authors of the best-selling Your Pregnancy series, a wonderful resource for the often neglected father-to-be.

Pregnancy is a thrilling adventure for a couple. Although most of the attention is directed at moms-to-be, the nine months of pregnancy can be an exciting, moving experience for a man as he faces and deals with the many emotional and physical changes the time brings.

Filled with sound advice and practical tips, Your Pregnancy for the Father-to-Be explores the important role a man plays over the course of this journey. Examining how pregnancy affects the expectant dad, it explains how being knowledgeable about pregnancy, birth, and the new baby will enable him to help and support his pregnant partner.

Comprehensive and accessible, this wise guide includes information on:

Physical changes a pregnant woman experiences and how an expectant dad can provide comfort and help
Tests and medical procedures a mother-to-be may undergo
Laws that may affect an expectant father or new dad
Being a labor coach and what labor and delivery are really like
Costs of having a baby, childcare expenses, and planning for the future
The impact of pregnancy on a couple's relationship and how they can handle it.
A comprehensive glossary of pregnancy and childbirth terms and a complete resources section.

Jerrell and I have these books, and I am willing to lend them to any CB or CG that would like to read them.

There is also a companion pregnancy journal by Dr. Curtis as well called:

Your Pregnancy Journal Week by Week: A Keepsake Journal to Chart Your Progress and Thoughts
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1555613438.01._PE_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg

[Lex82]

Great thread! :clap: I read alot but I didnt buy the books another less expensive way is to just check out the books from the library. Its free and once you have the baby you can return them when you done plus its always there. Another site to look at is www.babycenter.com and www.parentcenter.com . Both sites offer advice on various children topics and charts your childs growth and development during pregnancy and after. But even after all the reading and regardless what advice youve been given the real test is when the baby gets here. Being that all children are different the way you raise that child will be different! From what Ive learned so far all children are not on the same stage with everyone else so dont panic if your child doesnt walk as soon as your first one did or your friends kid the same age. Every child develops at their own pace. Ok thats my 2 cents and Im out!!! BBL

[MsNelle5]

Question: "Our 5-week-old baby cries and fusses all the time. Her doctor says she is perfectly healthy, but it seems as though she spends half -- or more -- of her waking time screaming. We've been told that this is colic, but no one can tell us what we can do to keep her and ourselves from being miserable. Help!"

Answer: Taking care of a newborn, especially your first, is a challenge for any parent, but when the baby is colicky, new parents can find themselves overwhelmed. You probably feel upset for the baby, frustrated because you can't help her, angry because it's so exhausting trying to comfort her, and weepy from lack of sleep. This was probably not your vision of being a parent!

As you've probably been told, colic is a label for a pattern of crying in a healthy, well-fed infant under 3 months of age that has no explanation.
Even though most young babies cry on and off for no apparent reason, especially in the early evening, colicky babies cry a lot more than others and can be difficult or impossible to soothe. The baby's crying usually intensifies between 6 and 8 weeks of age, and then tends to diminish when the baby is 3 months old. Colic means that even though your baby is healthy, your life for the next couple of weeks is going to be pretty tough.

You will hear lots of theories and advice on dealing with a colicky baby. By the time most parents have tried everything, the baby outgrows the colic anyway! However, information on some of the reasons for colic, if they apply to your baby, may help you decide what to do. Here are some possible causes:

• Your baby's central nervous system may be immature and unsettled, and she is not yet ready for the unpredictable stimulation of the world. This baby may cry less if she is swaddled or carried in a front pack, rocked, or kept in motion in a swing. She may settle when you expose her to continuous noise or vibrations that block out other stimulation, perhaps by taking her on car rides or placing her near a humming household appliance. Your baby may calm down if she sucks on a pacifier or her fingers, or if you massage her gently, or take her on a walk outside.

• Your baby's gastrointestinal system may be immature. You may have noticed that your baby seems to have gas or pain, especially after feeding or before bowel movements. If she seems to have gas or needs to burp a lot, make sure she isn't swallowing air from a bottle, and burp her frequently even if she is breastfed. If she seems to have a severe case of gas, your healthcare provider may suggest antispasmodic medications or herbal remedies such as weak teas brewed from fennel, chamomile, or anise.

• Your baby may be having a digestive or allergic reaction to the milk she is drinking. If you are breastfeeding her, you can try changing your diet to see if you notice less crying. You may want to eliminate spicy foods, high-fiber grains, beans, broccoli and cabbage, and caffeine. Some babies do better if their mom eliminates all milk products from her own diets. (If you decide to do this, talk to your healthcare provider about it and take a calcium supplement.) If your baby is on formula, try soy or other hypoallergenic types of infant formula — check with your baby's doctor before making changes. Feed your baby whenever she seems hungry, since some young babies will cry and fuss from hunger if parents try to schedule their feedings.

• Your baby may simply be temperamentally sensitive and highly reactive. She may be hard to soothe because her need for sleep and food are unpredictable. Hard-to-soothe babies are often those born a few weeks premature and in need of some catch-up time, or those trying to recover from a difficult birth.

Your baby may continue to be sensitive even when she gets over her colic. If she seems to cry a lot and can't be soothed easily, her distress is bound to exhaust you. If nothing seems to work, you may start to think that your own feelings will affect your baby. Take heart, though — parental anxiety doesn't cause colic. On the other hand, colic can stress parents out, and an anxious parent will find it hard to soothe a fussy baby.

If you start feeling tense, it's important to put your baby down for a while so that you can calm yourself. Taking a break will help you both. You can take the baby for a walk so both of you can get some fresh air. Better yet, ask your partner or a friend to relieve you of baby-watch for a short while. Take a long bath, or lie down in a quiet room. Even a few hours away will give you energy to go back to your baby.

[MsNelle5]

Great thread! :clap: I read alot but I didnt buy the books another less expensive way is to just check out the books from the library. Its free and once you have the baby you can return them when you done plus its always there. Another site to look at is www.babycenter.com and www.parentcenter.com . Both sites offer advice on various children topics and charts your childs growth and development during pregnancy and after. But even after all the reading and regardless what advice youve been given the real test is when the baby gets here. Being that all children are different the way you raise that child will be different! From what Ive learned so far all children are not on the same stage with everyone else so dont panic if your child doesnt walk as soon as your first one did or your friends kid the same age. Every child develops at their own pace. Ok thats my 2 cents and Im out!!! BBL
Thanks Lex!

I LOVEEEEE www.babycenter.com and www.parentcenter.com ! :yup: They have such great information and I read my weekly email bulletins about my pregnancy and toddler's development. The babycenter website even has information for those TTC. When Rell and I have questions about ailments, or "what to do when.." or "What is...?", the first thing we do is go to the computer and look at babycenter.com! :)

[MochaBride42206]

:leave: This makes me :scare:

[Lex82]

Thanks Lex!

I LOVEEEEE www.babycenter.com and www.parentcenter.com ! :yup: They have such great information and I read my weekly email bulletins about my pregnancy and toddler's development. The babycenter website even has information for those TTC. When Rell and I have questions about ailments, or "what to do when.." or "What is...?", the first thing we do is go to the computer and look at babycenter.com! :)

Yep! Nice article on Colic. I know people who have/had kids with colic thats a nightmare. I am so happy my baby was healthy, had no colic, slept through the night, and didnt cry alot. I was definitely blessed. Now I need to find a way for her to keep her butt outta my bed. We just moved from a 2 bdr to a 1 bdr and I thought well since we in the same room now she could stay in her bed. NO WAY! Since we been here Ive been waking up with arms and legs on my face :hellno: Advice accepted :down:

[MsNelle5]

Yep! Nice article on Colic. I know people who have/had kids with colic thats a nightmare. I am so happy my baby was healthy, had no colic, slept through the night, and didnt cry alot. I was definitely blessed. Now I need to find a way for her to keep her butt outta my bed. We just moved from a 2 bdr to a 1 bdr and I thought well since we in the same room now she could stay in her bed. NO WAY! Since we been here Ive been waking up with arms and legs on my face :hellno: Advice accepted :down:
Lex, I was with ya on the healthy, no colic, slept thru the night baby thing, but Mr. Zaire screamed for 3 months! He didn't have colic though, he was just an angry black man! He didn't wanna be bothered. He missed the comfort of the womb, I guess. All these bright lights and strange people made him upset! :rofl2: But he would sleep thru the night and has been since he was about 2 months old...

As for the advice, I would say pick her up and put her back in her bed, but I wouldn't rush it because after all you did just change her environment by moving into a new apartment. She may need to sleep with you for security. Let her be for a moment. Point out her bed and talk to her about it, say "Want to try sleeping in your bed tonight? ANd mommy will sleep in hers?" I don't know if that kinda psychology actually works! :rofl2: But I would actually be a little more forgiving right now because you did just move into a new place...but that's the softy in me! :hug99:

[Lex82]

Lex, I was with ya on the healthy, no colic, slept thru the night baby thing, but Mr. Zaire screamed for 3 months! He didn't have colic though, he was just an angry black man! He didn't wanna be bothered. He missed the comfort of the womb, I guess. All these bright lights and strange people made him upset! :rofl2: But he would sleep thru the night and has been since he was about 2 months old...

As for the advice, I would say pick her up and put her back in her bed, but I wouldn't rush it because after all you did just change her environment by moving into a new apartment. She may need to sleep with you for security. Let her be for a moment. Point out her bed and talk to her about it, say "Want to try sleeping in your bed tonight? ANd mommy will sleep in hers?" I don't know if that kinda psychology actually works! :rofl2: But I would actually be a little more forgiving right now because you did just move into a new place...but that's the softy in me! :hug99:

Well I actually let her go to sleep in my bed then when I get in the bed I put her in her bed. But sometime in the night she sneak in my bed thats when I get the arm or leg (she be sleeping in my bed like its her mess). For the past week I dont think Ive slept without getting up she just start crying for no reason. But I think it is because of the move because at my last place she did that for the first couple weeks.

[MsNelle5]

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[MsNelle5]

ARE YOU READY FOR A BABY? (http://www.babycenter.com/quiz/preconception/gettingpregnant/1323864.html)

[MsNelle5]

TTC: 5 changes to make to your diet NOW (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/preconception/preconnutrition/3558.html)

[Crystal]

This is a great thread Nelle!! When I had my first child, I listened to everything my grandma told me because afterall she had seven kids.

The one thing we differed on and STILL do was smoking around the baby. I was practically a hostage in my room because I didn't want my baby around smokers. She thinks I'm being absurd. I finally moved out when he was 4 months old and I was so happy to be in a smoke free enviroment.

When I was about 9, a lady that was close to our family had a baby and from what I remember, she had a get together at her house and people were smoking (everything) and drinking. The baby was in the next room. I think he was only a few weeks old. Well, the next day the baby died from SIDS. Even as a child I remember my aunt linking the smoke and the SIDS together and that has never left me.

Now in regards to having children that sleep through the night.........I have never had a baby sleep through the night. All of my children were at least THREE before they slept through the night! My daughter still gets up and gets in my bed as do my boys. Part of that was my fault from when I lived alone, I only felt safe if they were in the same room as me while we slept.

Lex - I think Phya is just a lil out of her element right now and has to get used to the new place.

[MsNelle5]

Thanks Crys! :hug99:

Girl, SIDS terrifies me! I, too, am weary about people smoking around Zaire, and my parents have been very good about not doing it around him.

As for babies sleeping thru the night, I :pray: that Sierra is as sleep-conscious as her brother! Z-man gets his sleep! He stays awake more thru-out the day now though, I've noticed. He will take a cat nap in the morning around 9AM for a couple of hours at most, and then be awake for the rest of the day. He will go down for bed between 6-7:30PM and sleep until 6AM the next morning like clockwork. His internal clock is set to wake him up at 6AM every morning. :yup: Which actually works great because he wakes us up to get ready for work in the morning! :rofl2:

[MsNelle5]

What is SIDS?
SIDS stands for "sudden infant death syndrome" and it's the leading cause of death in the U.S. for babies between 1 month and 1 year old. SIDS isn't easy to grasp because it's not any one illness or disease. Rather, it's the diagnosis used when a child under a year old dies suddenly and an exact cause can't be pinpointed after a complete medical and legal investigation, including an autopsy. That it can happen without warning makes it a shocking and sad experience for families.

Approximately 2,500 infants die of SIDS in the U.S. each year. SIDS most commonly strikes between the ages of 2 and 4 months, with 90 percent of cases in infants under 6 months. It's also known as "crib death" because it happens most often during sleep, usually between the hours of 10 p.m. and 10 a.m. and during cold-weather months.

Nightime isn't the only time that SIDS strikes, however. If your infant is in daycare, it's important to note that — according to a study published in 2000 in the journal Pediatrics — 20% of SIDS deaths happen in childcare settings. This is a surprisingly high number, considering that babies spend much less time sleeping at daycare than at home. So it's crucial to make sure your daycare provider puts babies on their back for naps and follows safe sleeping guidelines (see "How can I reduce my baby's risk of SIDS," below).

What causes SIDS?
No one knows for sure. Researchers have learned a great deal about SIDS in the past three decades but they still have no definitive answer to that question. Many experts believe that SIDS happens when a baby with an underlying abnormality (for example, a brain defect that affects breathing) sleeps tummy down or is faced with an environmental condition such as secondhand smoke during a critical period of growth. Experts are continuing to study the brain, the autonomic nervous system, infant care and sleep environments, infection and immunity, and genetics in search of answers.

Which babies are most at risk?
Although no one knows for sure what causes SIDS, some risk factors have been identified. They include:

Having a parent or caregiver who smokes.
Studies show that a baby's risk of SIDS rises with each additional smoker in the household, with the number of cigarettes smoked a day, and with the length of exposure to cigarette smoke.

Tummy sleeping
Research shows that a baby's risk of SIDS is 1.7 to 12.9 percent higher (depending on the study) if he sleeps on his tummy instead of his back. According to Betty McEntire, the executive director of the American SIDS Institute, when a baby sleeps tummy down he's more likely to overheat, have pauses in breathing, and re-breathe the air he has just breathed, which can raise his level of carbon dioxide. In addition, several studies have shown that if a baby is used to sleeping on his back and is placed to sleep on his tummy, his risk of SIDS markedly increases. (Some experts believe this accounts for the unexpectedly high rate of SIDS in daycare settings.)

Premature or very low birth weight
The earlier a baby is born, the higher his risk of SIDS. Likewise, the lower his birth weight, the higher the risk.

Overheating while sleeping
There's strong evidence that becoming overheated can substantially raise a baby's risk of SIDS. Overheating can result from being in an overheated room, wrapping or covering a baby in too many blankets, putting a blanket over a baby's head, or running a fever, according to Warren Guntheroth, SIDS expert and a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington in Seattle.

Sleeping on a soft surface
Several studies link soft sleeping surfaces to an increased risk of SIDS. Waterbeds, beanbags, sofas, quilts, comforters, and other soft surfaces are all unsafe for a baby to sleep on. Like tummy-down sleep positions, soft surfaces increase the chance that he'll encounter problems with breathing and/or overheating.

A mother who smoked or abused drugs during pregnancy
Almost every study of risk factors for SIDS has underlined maternal smoking during pregnancy as a risk factor. Of course, both smoking and drug use can compromise a baby's healthy development during pregnancy.

A mother under the age of 20 at the time of her pregnancy
The risk of SIDS also increases with each baby born to a teen mother. Also, the shorter the interval between your pregnancies, the higher the risk of SIDS for your baby.

Suffering an apparent life-threatening event
This is especially significant if your baby ever stopped breathing and turned pale, blue, and limp and required resuscitation.

Certain ethnicities
African-American infants are two-and-a-half times more likely to die of SIDS than white infants, and Native American babies have three times the risk. Some researchers hypothesize that a cultural preference for putting babies to sleep on their stomachs puts certain groups at higher risk. Asian families, who have a cultural preference for placing infants on their backs, had a lower-than-average risk for SIDS until after immigration to North America, when they changed to placing babies on their tummies and their SIDS rates rose.

Gender
Boys of all ethnicities are at slightly higher risk than girls by a ratio of 1.5 to 1.

How can I reduce my baby's risk of SIDS?
There's no guaranteed way to prevent SIDS, but you can do a number of things to greatly decrease your baby's risk:

Put your baby to sleep on his back.
This is the single most important thing you can do to help protect your baby. The rate of deaths from SIDS has dropped 40 percent since 1994, when the "Back to Sleep" campaign was launched by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the U.S. Public Health Service, the SIDS Alliance, and the Association of SIDS and Infant Mortality Programs. Make sure that others — relatives and caregivers, for example — know not to place your baby on his tummy to sleep.

Most people don't know that side sleeping isn't safe, either. In fact, if your baby sleeps on his side rather than his back, his chances of getting SIDS are doubled. That's because if you place your baby on his side he can easily end up on his tummy. Of course, by the time he's 5 or 6 months old, your baby will be able to roll over in both directions, making it a challenge for you to keep him on his back at night. At this age his risk for SIDS will start to drop, though, so just do your best to get him settled on his back, and then don't worry if he rolls over.

Keep in mind that putting your baby on his back all the time can cause him to develop a flat spot on the back or side of his head, called plagiocephaly or flat head syndrome. You can prevent it by learning how to position your baby when you lay him down. (If you have any questions about your baby's sleep position, talk to your doctor or nurse.) Also don't let your baby spend too much time in a car seat or bouncy chair, because these can also contribute to plagiocephaly. And be sure to give him plenty of time on his tummy when he's awake, to help him develop his muscles properly.

Take care of yourself and your unborn baby while you're pregnant.
To ensure your baby's health and reduce the risk of a premature birth or low birth weight (which are risk factors for SIDS), get proper prenatal care and nutrition. And you definitely won't want to smoke cigarettes or use illegal drugs during your pregnancy.

Don't allow smoking around your baby.
Keep the air around your baby — at home, in the car, and in other environments — smoke-free. If you feel you can't quit, go outside the house to smoke and make sure others do the same.

Choose bedding carefully.
Put your baby to sleep on a firm, flat mattress with no pillow and nothing but a fitted sheet under him. Don't put stuffed toys or other soft materials in his crib, either. If you can't resist covering him, use a thin blanket, and tuck it around the mattress, only as far up as his chest. If you think your baby is chilly, simply dress him in warmer clothing such as footed pajamas or in a onesie under a "wearable blanket" (a sleeveless garment that's closed along the bottom like a bag).

Avoid overheating your baby.
To keep your baby from getting too warm while he sleeps, don't overbundle him, and don't cover his head with a blanket. The room he sleeps in shouldn't be too toasty, either; it should be comfortable for an adult who is lightly clothed. Signs that your baby may be overheated include sweating, damp hair, heat rash, rapid breathing, restlessness, and fever.

Try to reduce exposure to infection.
SIDS sometimes occurs in tandem with respiratory and gastrointestinal infections. So it's fine to ask people to wash their hands before holding your baby. And of course, whenever possible, avoid exposing your baby to sick people.

[MsNelle5]

Does breastfeeding prevent SIDS?
There's no conclusive evidence that breastfeeding itself will reduce your baby's risk of SIDS. Breastfeeding will help reduce the rate of respiratory and gastrointestinal infections, though, which (as mentioned above) often occur along with SIDS.

Can sharing a bed with my baby help reduce the risk of SIDS?
Not everyone agrees, but there are compelling reasons why you might not want take your baby to bed with you during your baby's first months. For one thing, your bed surely has pillows and blankets and other soft bedding, all of which are risk factors for SIDS. It's also easy for your baby to overheat while sharing your bed, and the risk of rolling over onto your baby (particularly for an obese parent) is very real. "All the studies that have been conducted on this subject have shown that bedsharing increases the risk of SIDS," says John Kattwinkel, chairman of the AAP Task Force on Infant Sleep Position and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

On the other hand, some experts believe that co-sleeping might allow a mother to respond more quickly to changes in her baby's breathing and movements. And many parents are comfortable with and committed to bed-sharing.

If you do decide to share a bed with your baby, James McKenna, head of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, advises that you make sure that your mattress fits tightly against the headboard and has no space around it where your baby's head could get stuck. He also suggests that you keep heavy, fluffy bedding away from your baby, and eliminate any cords or plastic bags in the area of the bed. And even in your bed, put your baby to sleep on his back, on the flat mattress.

There are instances when you absolutely should not sleep with your baby. If you're a smoker, or are on medication that affects your sleep, or if you've been drinking, it's unsafe for your baby to sleep in your bed. Never bring your baby to sleep in a waterbed. And if you're very overweight, you shouldn't sleep with a baby under 3 months old.

British researchers found that when a baby is in his own bed in his parent's room his risk of SIDS is lower. So an alternative to taking your baby to bed with you is to keep him in a crib or bassinet in your room, or invest in a bedside bassinet (these are open on one side and hook onto the adult bed, at the same height). That way your baby is accessible, but in his own bed.

Is it okay for me to swaddle my infant?
Some researchers suggest that swaddling — a method of wrapping a baby securely in a blanket or cloth — may help in the prevention of SIDS because it can help babies sleep more comfortably on their back. (If your baby startles while asleep, his own body movements can cause him to wake up; swaddling can limit those movements and help him feel secure.) Other SIDS experts caution, though, that swaddling can contribute to overheating. So if you do swaddle your baby, use a thin blanket and make sure the room isn't too warm. And of course, never put your baby on his tummy when he's swaddled.

Will using a pacifier increase my baby's risk of SIDS?
Recent studies show a lower incidence of SIDS among infants who use pacifiers, perhaps because a baby with a pacifier is unlikely to be placed on his tummy. Pacifiers have also been linked to an increase in ear infections, a shortening of breastfeeding time, and dental problems, though, so the AAP is waiting for further studies before it makes a recommendation about pacifiers as a preventive measure for SIDS.

Can products -- such as sleep monitors, special crib mattresses, or wearable blankets -- help?
There are two types of sleeping monitors. One is a medical, cardio-respiratory monitor that may be prescribed by your baby's pediatrician if your baby has had a life-threatening breathing incident or has other SIDS risk factors. If she has prescribed such a monitor for your baby, of course you should use it diligently. There's no evidence that home monitoring systems decrease the incidence of SIDS, but if buying one of these for your healthy baby helps you sleep at night then by all means do it.

As for a special crib mattress, some companies are now marketing mattresses with a built-in ventilation system that they claim prevents the buildup of carbon dioxide. These mattresses may keep more fresh air circulating around your baby, but there's no evidence that they reduce the risk of SIDS, and they may also give you a false sense of security. If you opt to buy one, you should still follow the risk-reduction tips above.

If you don't like the idea of leaving your baby uncovered, you may want to try a wearable blanket (a sleeveless garment that's closed along the bottom like a bag). It keeps your baby warm while eliminating the possibility that the covers will slip over his head. One such product is the SleepSack, which is endorsed by the First Candle/SIDS Alliance.

[MochaBride42206]

...that I was TOO FAT to get pregnant... LOL..

Meaning that perhaps I will need to loose some weight prior to concieving..

But I did the calculator on BabyCenter.com and it said I was just fine!! :yippie: But I need to watch my intake and excersize...DUH! LOL...

[MsNelle5]

...that I was TOO FAT to get pregnant... LOL..

Meaning that perhaps I will need to loose some weight prior to concieving..

But I did the calculator on BabyCenter.com and it said I was just fine!! :yippie: But I need to watch my intake and excersize...DUH! LOL...
Girl, my cousin is overweight and with the proper prenatal care, she delivered my goddaughter just fine! :yup: If the woman is deemed overweight, your doctor will monitor your pregnancy more closely.

[nikki1920]

That's what I told you, Twin. lol. A good doctor will monitor you and your baby at the appropriate level throughout the pregnancy. I started retaining water in the last month of my pregnancy, so my midwife had me on modified bed rest, meaning, I had to stop going to my classes and when I was at home I had to keep my feet propped up, and reduce my salt intake and increase water intake.

Re: crying babies. I'm a big fan of skin to skin contact. that seemed to calm Brianna down when she got overstimulated. Luckily, I had a very good baby and she was easily calmed.

re: ttc. *this is my opinion* I think that some women can focus too much on ttc. Sometimes you have to give the body and mind time to rest and recharge. This is, of course, assuming that there are no underlying medical or physiological conditions.*end of my opinion*

[MsNelle5]

That's what I told you, Twin. lol. A good doctor will monitor you and your baby at the appropriate level throughout the pregnancy. I started retaining water in the last month of my pregnancy, so my midwife had me on modified bed rest, meaning, I had to stop going to my classes and when I was at home I had to keep my feet propped up, and reduce my salt intake and increase water intake.

Re: crying babies. I'm a big fan of skin to skin contact. that seemed to calm Brianna down when she got overstimulated. Luckily, I had a very good baby and she was easily calmed.

re: ttc. *this is my opinion* I think that some women can focus too much on ttc. Sometimes you have to give the body and mind time to rest and recharge. This is, of course, assuming that there are no underlying medical or physiological conditions.*end of my opinion*
Thanks Nikki! :)

So tell me, how was your experience having a midwife? When I was pregnant with my son, I read alot and considered having a midwife or a doula, but didn't actually get one or even know where to begin looking (other than referrals). There are a couple of CBs here that are actually taking classes to become a midwife, and other CBs who have had one too. One of my OBs is actually a midwife as well, so I guess by default I have had one, and if she is on call when I go into labor, she will be there at the hospital waiting for me!

[Lex82]

This is a great thread Nelle!! When I had my first child, I listened to everything my grandma told me because afterall she had seven kids.

The one thing we differed on and STILL do was smoking around the baby. I was practically a hostage in my room because I didn't want my baby around smokers. She thinks I'm being absurd. I finally moved out when he was 4 months old and I was so happy to be in a smoke free enviroment.

When I was about 9, a lady that was close to our family had a baby and from what I remember, she had a get together at her house and people were smoking (everything) and drinking. The baby was in the next room. I think he was only a few weeks old. Well, the next day the baby died from SIDS. Even as a child I remember my aunt linking the smoke and the SIDS together and that has never left me.

Now in regards to having children that sleep through the night.........I have never had a baby sleep through the night. All of my children were at least THREE before they slept through the night! My daughter still gets up and gets in my bed as do my boys. Part of that was my fault from when I lived alone, I only felt safe if they were in the same room as me while we slept.

Lex - I think Phya is just a lil out of her element right now and has to get used to the new place.

Thank you Crystal! I am so glad that Im the only one that doesnt like smoke around my baby. Most people in my family smoke but I hate that I love my clean air. My mother will go outside to avoid smoking around my baby (also because my brother has asthma and a plethera (sp?) of health problems though he not on his death bed or nothing) but everybody else dont care. My cousin (the dumb one I prolly mentioned in my journal) smoke around her baby and I think she smoked some when she was preggo and see nothing wrong with it.

[Lex82]

Thanks Crys! :hug99:

Girl, SIDS terrifies me! I, too, am weary about people smoking around Zaire, and my parents have been very good about not doing it around him.

As for babies sleeping thru the night, I :pray: that Sierra is as sleep-conscious as her brother! Z-man gets his sleep! He stays awake more thru-out the day now though, I've noticed. He will take a cat nap in the morning around 9AM for a couple of hours at most, and then be awake for the rest of the day. He will go down for bed between 6-7:30PM and sleep until 6AM the next morning like clockwork. His internal clock is set to wake him up at 6AM every morning. :yup: Which actually works great because he wakes us up to get ready for work in the morning! :rofl2:

Nelle you are so lucky! Although she sleeps through the night I have a hard time putting her to bed and waking her up. Im trying to get her on a schedule but with me going to school I just be trying to get some work in and just let her look at tv (and she will stay up until the crack of dawn if I leave it on) yes I have tried to see if that would wear her out. She was up until like 12:30 am that is until I turned it off.

[nikki1920]

I lucked out. My insurance had traditional OB/GYNs, and certified Nurse Midwives. A dr. delivered my kid. My midwife was wonderful in asking me about other things going on in my life other than the baby. She talked to me re: plans after the baby, my birthing plan, breastfeeding (REALLY pushed that, and I am so glad she did!), and encouraged me to talk to my daughter a lot. Once we had a name, she started referring to her by her name during the visits. ("ok, Brianna, lets see how big you are. Where is your head?" and bree would kick, lol)

I really liked the fact that she focused on me and the baby, not just the fact that I was pregnant. When my mom came with me, she asked how she was doing and etc. Although it was an HMO, she never rushed appointments, she encouraged questions, and gave me lots of information. course, I lived on babycenter.com, too, and read a great book for AA moms called "The AA guide to having a baby" or something like that.

[MsNelle5]

I lived on babycenter.com, too, and read a great book for AA moms called "The AA guide to having a baby" or something like that.
Is this the one you are talking about? I also have this book:

Mama's Little Baby: The Black Woman's Guide to Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Baby's First Year, by Dennis Brown, M.D., and Pamela A. Toussaint
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0452274192.01._PE_PIdp-schmoo2,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Created specifically for the needs of the AfricanAmerican mother-to-be, this wonderfully comprehensive reference contains everything the pregnant woman needs to know about conception, prenatal care, labor, delivery, and baby care. Wonderfully conversational in tone, this intuitive stepbystep guide provides the latest information on:

Health risks such as high blood pressure, diabetes and sickle cell anemia, which blacks suffer from disproportionately
Adapting traditional down home cooking recipes to provide healthful eating for mother and baby
The special needs of single mothers
Spiritual, emotional, and mental health during pregnancy
Cultural information passed down from generation to generation
Interviews with midwives, doctors, fitness experts, and nutritionists. Mama's Little Baby is the first book to provide complete, accessible, and reassuring information for all expectant black mothers (and fathers) looking forward to a healthy, happy baby.
Fully illustrated with more than 100 photographs and drawings

This is like the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for the African-American audience. I lucked up on finding this book last year in the back of a Barnes and Noble bookstore. They are also selling it on www.amazon.com

[nikki1920]

nope, it was written by a doctor.. hold on..Its called "Having Your Baby" by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson. It was a big help to me.

[MsNelle5]

Having Your Baby, by HILDA HUTCHERSON, M.D., and MARGARET WILLIAMS

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0345394038.01._PE_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.gif

African-American women face unique challenges during pregnancy. Here is a book they can turn to for medical information, health advice, and emotional support during this exhilarating, and sometimes anxious, time. Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, an esteemed Ob-Gyn, explains all the bodily changes, feelings, and medical procedures you may encounter when pregnant. From planning a pregnancy to caring for your newborn, Dr. Hutcherson provides comforting wisdom from her years of experience as a doctor and mother of four. Most important, she addresses such potential risks as fibroid, diabetes, lupus, high blood pressure, and skin conditions.

This extraordinary resource offers medically sound and reassuring advice on choosing a care provider ... caring for yourself successfully in each trimester ... the signs and symptoms that necessitate a call to a health care practitioner...minimizing the chances of birth defects ... breastfeeding basics ... and much more.

The first childbirth encyclopedia written for African-American mothers-to-be, Having Your Baby addresses all the issues, concerns, and questions you may have about pregnancy and childbirth. After practicing obstetrics for many years and giving birth to four children, Harvard Medical graduate Hutcherson recognized the need for a childbirth resource that articulated the social concerns of African American women. Although this clearly written self-help guide contains advice on conception, pregnancy, and delivery that can be found in other resources, its unique features make it a stand-out in birthing literature.

Hutcherson offers expectant mothers everything from essential information about diseases like sickle cell anemia and lupus to historical highlights that provide a positive birth image and outlook for black women. Aiming "to combat the high incidence of small, sick, and premature black babies," Hucherson has produced a first-of-its-kind childbirth reference tool that meets the needs of a population traditionally denied equal access to prenatal care.

also available on www.amazon.com

[September7bride]

Great thread! I have to admit that I am generally hesitant to speak on TTC outside of an actual baby forum because we, those who have been trying to conceive for a while always receive the classic response. "Relax, it will happen" ... if I received a nickel for every time I was told that I would be chillin' in a grass hut in Fiji :hump: my brains out "relaxing because it will happen". LOL, sorry had to share that because I know there will be others who experience this sort of dismissal and it won't be easy to tolerate.

Anyhoo, I continue to read and research and basically look forward to having a family of my own so I welcome this thread and it's insight.

I have huge issues regarding people who smoke around children, why not give them the best and healthiest head start possible. Worse I saw a woman clearly in her second trimester smoking a cigarette with serious attitude. I cannot begin to tell you how sad it made me to see that.

[MsNelle5]

Great thread! I have to admit that I am generally hesitant to speak on TTC outside of an actual baby forum because we, those who have been trying to conceive for a while always receive the classic response. "Relax, it will happen" ... if I received a nickel for every time I was told that I would be chillin' in a grass hut in Fiji :hump: my brains out "relaxing because it will happen". LOL, sorry had to share that because I know there will be others who experience this sort of dismissal and it won't be easy to tolerate.

Anyhoo, I continue to read and research and basically look forward to having a family of my own so I welcome this thread and it's insight.
Thanks for your open and honest feedback Moe! I would hope that we could be supportive here to all the CBs TTC rather than condescending, and I look forward to learning as much as I can from you all as well.

I have huge issues regarding people who smoke around children, why not give them the best and healthiest head start possible. Worse I saw a woman clearly in her second trimester smoking a cigarette with serious attitude. I cannot begin to tell you how sad it made me to see that.
:hellno: While I don't want to pass judgment on that woman, I feel for the baby and :pray: that the child has no health problems as a result of her actions.

[MsNelle5]

At what age did you/will you change your baby over from formula (or breast milk) to MILK (i.e. cow's milk or soy)?

I guess the general rule of thumb is after the baby's first birthday, their body should be able to digest whole milk. Z-man turns 1 on Sunday :party: and I am pondering when and how to wean him off of his bottle of formula. I have been trying to coax him into drinking his formula from his sippy cup (instead of the bottle) as a first step, to hopefully move on to filling the sippy cup with milk.

Any suggestions/advice? :brow:

[Lex82]

At what age did you/will you change your baby over from formula (or breast milk) to MILK (i.e. cow's milk or soy)?

I guess the general rule of thumb is after the baby's first birthday, their body should be able to digest whole milk. Z-man turns 1 on Sunday :party: and I am pondering when and how to wean him off of his bottle of formula. I have been trying to coax him into drinking his formula from his sippy cup (instead of the bottle) as a first step, to hopefully move on to filling the sippy cup with milk.

Any suggestions/advice? :brow:

Well my daughter does not like milk (even with chocolate syrup) she'll taste it when its on cereal but other than that she like :hellono:. Her teachers swear she drinks it but I havent seen her. I started her off with regular milk at like 9 or 10 mos. with her doc's recommendation plus she was already eating solids (which some were made with whole milk so they figured why not). But I throw out all her bottles away at 9 mos. because I got tired of cleaning them suckers plus she had been using a straw and sippy cups since like 6 mos anyway. She was a greedy thing so in order for her to get some of my milkshakes she had to learn to use a straw.

[September7bride]

Thanks Nelle, you know I appreciate it. :hug99:

[MsNelle5]

Well my daughter does not like milk (even with chocolate syrup) she'll taste it when its on cereal but other than that she like :hellono:. Her teachers swear she drinks it but I havent seen her. I started her off with regular milk at like 9 or 10 mos. with her doc's recommendation plus she was already eating solids (which some were made with whole milk so they figured why not). But I throw out all her bottles away at 9 mos. because I got tired of cleaning them suckers plus she had been using a straw and sippy cups since like 6 mos anyway.
Oh girl, I can't wait to be throwing these bottles away! :headbang: Rell and I fight over who's turn it is to wash and sterilize these bottles! It's a tedious, annoying little task! LOL Z-man goes to the pediatrician next week, so I will be asking him when he thinks I should make the transition as well. :down:
She was a greedy thing so in order for her to get some of my milkshakes she had to learn to use a straw.
:rofl2: That's cute!

[Lex82]

Oh girl, I can't wait to be throwing these bottles away! :headbang: Rell and I fight over who's turn it is to wash and sterilize these bottles! It's a tedious, annoying little task! LOL Z-man goes to the pediatrician next week, so I will be asking him when he thinks I should make the transition as well. :down:

:rofl2: That's cute!

OMG! You sound like me. Still sterilizing them bottles. Everybody was like you dont have to do that since she had gotten older but I was so afraid of her catching germs so I boiled the mess outta of them and replaced them every other month or so. But you know what just throw them away and dont even think about it (I got the idea from this other girl she was like her child got over it easy)especially since the child knew how to use a sippy cup. And low and behold she didnt even give using a bottle again a second thought when I gave her that sippy cup. But from what I know when they hit one regular whole milk is ok. But I took her off early and her doc said it was ok even though she hates milk.

[nikki1920]

Boil?! Chiiiile, those bottles and nipples went into the dishwasher like clockwork. And I rinsed them out with hot water when they were ready to be filled. Check with your dr, but one is about a good age to start with cow's milk. Switching from bottle to cup? Out of sight, out of mind..lol.. That is what I did. but little missy wanted to be grown, so she was ready. Be sure that their little hands can grasp and hold on to a handle.

re: Moe's comment. I feel what you are saying, girl, which is why I put a qualifier on my statement. The body/mind connection works in strange ways and I was just saying that in SOME cases, not necessarily yours, people get so psyched up to become pregnant that the baby dust is ineffective. Since I've never had issues with conceiving I can't speak on it, but from the different boards I've been on and barring any physical, medical or physiological issues, that's my assessment of it.

[September7bride]

Thanks Nikki, it's true the circumstances vary on so many levels. I just know too many women who get lumped into the same category and it makes them not even want to speak on the issues. I do appreciate your words of wisdom and look forward to your continued sharing.

I am not sure about the road I am traveling, but it's been a rough ride and if I can make the experience for the next person easier, heck even hopeful, I have to do it. :hug99:

[MsNelle5]

Female Fertility Worksheet (http://www.babycenter.com/general/preconception/fertilityproblems/6036.html)

[MsNelle5]

What is an episiotomy?
An episiotomy is a surgical cut that your practitioner may make in the muscular area between your vagina and your anus (the area called the perineum) right before delivery to enlarge your vaginal opening. Obstetricians used to do episiotomies routinely to speed delivery and to prevent the vagina from tearing, particularly during a first vaginal delivery. Many experts believed that the "clean" incision of an episiotomy would heal more easily than a spontaneous tear. But a great many studies over the last 20 years have disproved this theory, and most practitioners no longer perform the procedure routinely.

Research has shown that women with spontaneous tears generally recover in the same or less time and often with less pain and fewer complications than those with episiotomies. In addition, women who get episiotomies are more likely to end up with serious tears that go close to or through the rectum (known as third- or fourth-degree lacerations) than those who deliver without being cut. Tears that go through the rectum result in more perineal pain after the birth, require a significantly longer recovery period, and are more likely to affect the strength of the pelvic floor muscles. And because a tear into the rectum disrupts the anal sphincter, these women also tend to have problems with anal incontinence. Finally, women who have episiotomies tend to have increased blood loss at the time of delivery, greater pain during recovery, weaker pelvic floor muscles at three months after delivery, and more discomfort when they start having sex again.


Why might I need an episiotomy?
There are a few situations in which an episiotomy is still medically necessary for your own or your baby's well-being:
• If your baby's heart rate shows that he isn't tolerating the last minutes of labor well and needs to be born as quickly as possible.

• If your baby is very large and your practitioner needs a little extra room to manipulate him so he can come out.

• If your practitioner needs a little extra room when using forceps to help deliver your baby.

• If your vaginal perineal tissue looks "fragile" — that is, it's starting to bleed or not stretching well — as your baby's head begins to crown. The idea here is that being cut in one place may allow you to avoid tearing in more than one place. That said, a few shallow tears may still be preferable to an episiotomy, so your practitioner will have to make the call.


How can I make sure I won't have an unnecessary episiotomy?
Talk to your practitioner early on about your feelings regarding the procedure. Ask her how often and under what conditions she performs an episiotomy, and how she might help you avoid tearing as well. (Also ask about other practitioners in her practice, in case you end up with someone else at your delivery.) Studies show that, as a group, midwives tend to do far fewer episiotomies than do obstetricians.

You may also want to try doing perineal massage starting about five to six weeks before delivery. A few studies show that it may decrease the chance that you'll tear or need an episiotomy.


How are they done?
If your practitioner decides she needs to do an episiotomy, she'll give you an injection of a local anesthetic and use surgical scissors to make a small cut in your perineum. (Sometimes, if your perineum is already quite numb and thinned out from the pressure of your baby's head, she may be able to do the episiotomy without any pain medication. This is sometimes called a pressure episiotomy.) Afterward, you'll get another shot of local anesthesia to be sure you're completely numb before your practitioner stitches up the cut.


How can I take care of myself afterward?
If you've had an episiotomy (or a tear), you'll have stitches in a very tender area and you'll need some time to heal. (Your stitches will disintegrate during the weeks after delivery and won't need to be taken out.) Use ice packs on your perineal area immediately after the birth to numb the area and prevent or reduce swelling. Some other techniques that can speed your healing and ease soreness include:

• Twenty-four hours after delivery, you can start taking warm soaks in the tub or in a sitz bath. A sitz bath is a shallow plastic basin that you fill with warm water and position over your toilet seat. It makes it convenient to soak your bottom several times a day without having to fill a tub full of water and completely undress each time. Most hospitals will provide you with a sitz bath to use while you're there, and it's a good idea to take it home with you. Sitz baths also are available at the drugstore.

• Expose the wound to air as much as possible, and keep it dry. After showering, hold a blow dryer set on warm 10 to 12 inches away from the area until it's dry.

• Try to limit the amount of time you spend sitting during the days and weeks after delivery.

• Do Kegel exercises daily to stimulate circulation and speed healing. To do a Kegel, you contract your pelvic floor muscles (the ones that you use to stop the flow of urine). You may find it helpful to contract these muscles whenever you're doing something like getting out of bed or rolling over, so that you don't feel like you're pulling on your stitches. (Kegels are a good idea for all women after delivery because they help to restore good muscle tone, too.)

• Apply cotton pads soaked in witch hazel to the affected area. You can buy these prepackaged at the drugstore.

• Try using a numbing spray. These should be available in the hospital or at the drugstore.

• Drink a lot of water and get plenty of fiber in your diet so you won't have to strain during bowel movements. (If you feel you need to, ask your practitioner about taking a stool softener for a few weeks.)


When can I have sex again?
Your perineum should be completely healed around four to six weeks after delivery, so if your caregiver gives the okay and you're up to it, you can try having sex then. You might feel some initial tenderness and tightness. Try having a glass of wine, taking a warm bath, and leaving plenty of time for foreplay. You might prefer to be on top so that you can control the degree of penetration, or you may find that lying on your side is most comfortable.

Relaxing as much as possible and using a good water-soluble lubricant will help make sex more comfortable. This may be especially helpful if you're breastfeeding because lactation lowers your estrogen levels, which reduces the amount of lubrication your vagina can produce. Many women continue to use a lubricant during sex until they stop nursing.

[Lex82]

Ok. I didnt want to get too nasty about this episiotomy but I found a great trick well practice that I found that works from babycenter.com when I was pregnant. I dont want to get too graphic so Ill post what the medical experts said about it. I didnt have to get that cut which I Thank God because your body goes through so many changes as it just being :preggo:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Your partner can do this if you prefer not to or you just cant reach lol**


Question: I really don't want to have an episiotomy when I deliver my baby. Is there anything I can do in preparation for labor that will help me avoid one?

Answer: Starting around the 34th week of your pregnancy, you could try massaging the perineum (the area around your vagina). Daily perineum massage may increase the stretching ability of the area, leading to less need for episiotomy and fewer natural tears.

With clean hands and trimmed nails, try this technique yourself, or have your partner do it for you. If you do it yourself, have a large mirror handy as well, to help familiarize yourself with your perineal area:

* Sit in a warm comfortable area, spreading your legs apart in a semi-reclined position. Put Vitamin E oil (from punctured Vitamin E capsules) or pure vegetable oil on your fingers and thumbs and around your perineum.
• Place your thumbs about 1 to 1 1/2 inches (to or just past your first knuckle) inside your vagina and spread your legs. Press down toward the rectum and toward the sides at the same time. Gently and firmly continue stretching until you feel a slight burn or tingling.

• Hold this stretch for about 2 minutes — until the tingling starts to subside.

• Now slowly and gently massage the lower part of the vaginal canal back and forth, hooking your thumbs onto the sides of the vaginal canal and gently pulling these tissues forward, as your baby's head will do during delivery. Keep this up for 3 to 4 minutes.

• Finally, massage the tissues between the thumb and forefinger back and forth for about a minute.

• Do be gentle, as a vigorous touch could cause bruising or swelling in these sensitive tissues. During the massage avoid pressure on the urethra (urinary opening) as this could induce irritation or infection.

Of course, perineal massage is not for everyone and it may not help in every case. The most important thing you can do is to choose a midwife or doctor who is experienced and comfortable delivering babies without cutting an episiotomy. In general, midwives tend to perform this surgery much less often than physicians. Regardless of the type of practitioner you choose, you should certainly discuss your wishes and expectations with that person before the birth.

[MsNelle5]

Thanks for posting that Lex!

I had read about that too and was like :headscrat :hellno: :rofl2:

But, the real truth of the matter is, you need to have a conversation with your doctor...ask your doctor what his/her belief in episiotomies are. Some doctor's get scissor happy because it makes it easier for THEM to get the baby out, but then you take longer to heal. I have 2 doctors and one believes in episiotomies and one does not. I did not have to have an episiotomy when I gave birth to Zaire because my doctor took his time massaging the perineum and guiding Z-man out. He didn't rush. And he communicated with me to tell me exactly when and how to push (he even yelled at me one time to stop me from spazzin' out! :rofl2: )

You can also do your Kegel exercises, which really help! :yup:

Bottom line is: you need to be up front with your doctor and his/her technique. Ladies, have that conversation with your doctor to determine how quick they will be to cut you! And also listen to their coaching advice and if they tell you NOT to push, DON'T PUSH! :nono:

[MsNelle5]

What are Kegels?
Kegels are internal exercises done to strengthen the muscles that support your urethra, bladder, uterus, and rectum. They're named after Arnold Kegel, a gynecologist who recommended them back in the 1940s to help women control postpartum incontinence.

Why are they so important?
Kegels help you contend with a variety of postpartum problems. Research has shown that women who regularly did Kegels during pregnancy were better able to control urinary incontinence after birth than those who didn't do them at all. Even if you skipped them during pregnancy, starting a routine soon after giving birth can help you control leaking urine. And making them a lifelong habit can help you head off incontinence problems later in life.

Kegels also increase circulation in the rectal area, thereby decreasing your chances of developing hemorrhoids and helping your perineum heal from an episiotomy or tearing. They'll also help a stretched-out vagina regain some tone after a vaginal birth and make sex more enjoyable as a result.

How do I do them?
Tighten the muscles around your vagina and anus as if you were trying to interrupt the flow of urine when going to the bathroom and hold for eight to ten seconds before releasing and relaxing. (Don't actually practice the exercises while you're urinating. Just use that as a check of your technique.) Another way to make sure you're squeezing the right muscles is to insert a finger into your vagina and squeeze tightly around it. If you feel pressure around your finger you are doing the movement correctly. Your stomach and buttocks should not move when you squeeze.

How often should I do them?
Start doing Kegels a few at a time throughout the day. As your muscles start to feel stronger, gradually increase both the number of Kegels you do each day and the length of time you hold each contraction. Do the Kegels in sets of ten and try to work up to three or four sets about three times a day. Make them part of your daily routine: Do a series when you wake up in the morning, while you're watching TV, or before you go to bed. But it really doesn't matter when you do them, as long as you do them regularly.

[MsNelle5]

http://store.babycenter.com/MEDIA/ProductCatalog/27209_201836_hg.jpg

Before Your Pregnancy
by Amy Ogle, M.S., R.D., and Lisa Mazzullo, M.D.

A complete guide to conceiving a healthy baby and preparing for pregnancy.

preconception to pregnancy

Being a responsible parent begins before your baby is born — or even conceived. This comprehensive book for men and women (fittingly subtitled “A 90-Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception”) is filled with practical, informative advice on preparing for pregnancy, physically and emotionally. It covers fitness and nutrition, readying your environment, recommended immunizations for moms-to-be, genetic screening, tips for success when you're ready to conceive, and much more.

Features:
• Written by two experienced healthcare professionals
• Addresses men's and women's health issues
• Advice to follow starting 90 days before conception
• Paperback
• 426 pages


Customer Comments Highlights:

>Great Pre-Pregnancy Straight-Talk!
I think every couple planning on starting a family soon should read this book! The authors tell you everything you need to know "like it is", and are very frank about explaining when your plans to become pregnant should be delayed if you're not at your healthiest pre-pregnancy state. For example, we decided to delay pregnancy a few months so I could lose 10 - 15 lbs. to give my eventual pregnancy the best chance at being a healthy one. Very eye-opening advice, which I'm glad I got BEFORE pregnancy!
K., planning 1st pregnancy soon from Michigan

>so much information...
This book has so much information, it's almost too much to take in! The Dr's who wrote it thought of EVERYTHING! I'm still reading it, it's a large book. :)
Anna, just started from Ohio

>Extremely helpful
I think this book has a wealth of detailed information about everything you need to know to conceive. I found the nutritional section extremely helpful, since it cited exactly what nutrients are best to prepare for a pregnancy, and how to get those nutrients. It also had helpful information about the best supplements for both men and women, as well as exercise, herbs to avoid, workplace issues, etc. We have been going through IVF, and wanted to increase our chances in any way we could -- this book really helped us feel like we'd done everything right. Highly recommended!
Jenny, TTC through IVF from Washington, DC

[MsNelle5]

Cost of Raising a Child Calculator (http://www.babycenter.com/costofchild/)

[MsNelle5]

What is maternity leave?
Maternity leave is the time a mother takes off from work at the birth or adoption of a child. Actual paid "maternity leave" is unusual in the U.S., although some companies offer new parents some paid time off, up to six weeks in some cases. But most likely, you'll use a combination of short-term disability (STD), sick leave, vacation, personal days, and unpaid family leave during your maternity leave. (Your employer's policy may dictate the order in which you can take different kinds of leave.) In any case, you'll want to start looking into your options as early as you can during your pregnancy and make sure you have all your paperwork sorted out before the baby arrives.

How does short-term disability work?
Short-term disability is meant to cover your salary (or a portion of it) during the time that you're unable to do your job due to illness, injury, or childbirth. Many large employers and unions offer it, as do several states. (It's generally provided automatically, not an optional benefit you have to sign up for.) If your state provides it, you may pay a small amount out of each paycheck to cover your share. If your employer or union provides it, the cost may be covered for you. If none of them provides STD, or if the coverage is insufficient, you can purchase your own policy or additional coverage through an insurance provider for a monthly premium.

Private STD insurance through your employer or a provider will generally pay between 50 and 100 percent of your salary for a certain number of weeks, depending on how many years you've worked for the company. (The maximum amount you can receive is usually capped.) Six weeks is the standard amount of time covered for pregnancy. Some plans allow more time if you've had complications or a cesarean delivery, and many also cover bedrest prior to birth.

State STD benefits typically cover half to two-thirds of your salary, and the coverage for pregnancy usually lasts four to six weeks but can last up to 12 weeks. In California, for example, you're covered at about 55 percent for up to four weeks before your baby is born (if you must leave your job before the birth) and for up to six weeks afterward. You may be able to get coverage for eight weeks or longer after the birth if you've had a c-section or medical complications, but your doctor must certify this.

If both your state and your company offer STD, you may be required to use the full state benefit and have your employer's coverage make up the rest. You'll still end up with the same amount of pay as if you were getting your employer's full benefit, but you'll get it in two checks, one from the state and one from your company's provider. Also, note that many disability programs require that you be out of work for several days before you can start to collect STD benefits. You may have to use sick days or accrued vacation to cover this interim period.

Will I have to pay income tax on disability income?
It depends on who's paying the insurance premiums for your coverage. Whatever portion of your salary that you receive from your employer's coverage is taxable, but no income taxes will be taken out of your checks, so you'll end up owing the money in April. (On the other hand, you'll be able to take an extra deduction for having a new dependent, so that may offset the amount.) Money you receive from state disability benefits is generally not subject to federal or state income taxes. If you pay for the disability insurance yourself, the benefits you receive are also tax-free.

What do I do when my short-term disability coverage runs out?
Some new moms decide to return to work once their coverage runs out, which is typically after about six weeks. (Some return even sooner if they're physically able to, especially if they're relying on a state benefit that only pays half of their normal salary.) If you have accrued vacation, personal, or sick days, you may want to use them to extend your leave. Some companies will even allow you to take vacation or sick days that you haven't yet accrued, although in some cases, they may ask you to reimburse them for those days if you decide not to return to work after your leave.

You may also be eligible for unpaid disability leave. If you're still unable to return to work when your STD coverage runs out, some states allow you to take a certain amount of unpaid pregnancy disability leave. (California has a particularly generous provision.) You won't get paid during this time, but your employer will be required to hold your job for you until you're able to return (or until the leave runs out.) Your employer may require that you first use up your sick days before taking unpaid disability leave.

If you're able to return to work but you want or need more time to stay home and care for your child, you may be eligible for family leave under your state or federal law. In 2004, California will become the first state to offer paid family leave. If you work in that state, you'll be able to take an additional six weeks of family leave at partial pay to care for your new baby after your six weeks of short-term disability runs out. Paid family leave bills have been introduced in other states as well. In the meantime, though, you may be eligible for unpaid family leave. Again, your employer may require you to take any accrued vacation or sick leave before taking family leave.

How can I tell if I'm entitled to unpaid leave?
Start by asking your company's human resources department. Many employers are required by federal law to allow their employees (both men and women) 12 weeks of unpaid family leave after the birth or adoption of a child under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). At the end of your leave, your employer must allow you to return to your job or a similar job with the same salary, benefits, working conditions, and seniority. You are among the 60 percent of U.S. workers who are eligible if you meet both of the following conditions:
• You work for the federal government, a state or local government, or any company that has 50 or more employees working within 75 miles of your workplace

• You have worked for your employer for at least 12 months and for at least 1,250 hours during the previous year (which comes out to 25 hours per week for 50 weeks)

There are a few exceptions: Your employer can deny you this leave if you're in the highest paid 10 percent of wage earners at your company and your employer can show that your absence would cause substantial economic harm to the organization. In this case, your employer isn't required to keep your job open for you. Another exception is if you and your partner both work for the same company. In this case, you're only entitled to a combined 12 weeks of parental leave between the two of you. Even if you're not eligible under the FMLA, you may still be eligible for leave under your state's provisions, which are usually more generous than the FMLA, or under your company's policy.

Your employer may require that all the paid leave you've taken (STD, vacation, sick leave) count toward the 12 weeks allowed under FMLA. But some states allow you to take the full 12 weeks in addition to whatever paid leave you've taken. Individual employers may also allow this. You can use your unpaid leave in any way you want during your pregnancy or during the first year after your child is born. That means you can take it all at once (right after the birth or placement of your child, for example) or, as long as your employer agrees, spread it out over your child's first year by taking it in chunks or reducing your normal weekly or daily work schedule.

If you're considering unpaid leave, think about how much time you can reasonably afford to take. Also think about whether your partner can take off any time and when it would be best for him or her to do that. You and your partner may decide to take leave at the same time but if you want to stretch out the time that at least one of you is home with the baby, consider overlapping your leaves, taking them consecutively, or spreading your time off over the year.

[MsNelle5]

What happens to my benefits while I'm out on leave?
According to the FMLA, your company must continue to keep you on it's health insurance plan while you're on leave, whether it's disability or family leave. Most typically, a company will pay your premiums for you but ask you to reimburse them for your share (the amount that's usually taken out of your paycheck). If your company is particularly generous, it may cover your share and not ask you to pay it back. However, in rare cases, your employer may choose to put you on COBRA a program in which you continue to be covered under the same plan but you must pay the entire premium yourself (at an average of about $500 a month).

If you tell your company you don't plan to return to work following your leave or if your job is eliminated while you're gone, your employer may stop paying your premiums and may even require you to pay back the money spent to maintain your health insurance while you were on leave. That's unless the reason you don't return to work is because you've developed a serious medical condition or some other circumstances beyond your control (say, your spouse is transferred to a job in another city and you have to move there).

The FMLA doesn't require employers to allow you to accrue benefits or time toward seniority when you're out on leave. That means the clock may stop on things like vacation accrual and the amount of time you can say you've been with the company in order to qualify for things like:

• Raises based on seniority or length of service

• Additional vacation days per year

• Participation in your company's 401k plan or vesting of your company's matching investment

• Vesting of stock options

Finally, you won't be able to contribute to your 401(k) or flexible spending account while you're on leave since you're not receiving a paycheck from your employer and thus can't contribute pre-tax dollars.

What if I'm adopting a child or taking in a foster child?
You're not qualified for disability leave in this case, but you are allowed 12 weeks of unpaid leave under the FMLA (or possibly more under your state's provisions or your company's policy). Generally this leave begins once the child arrives at your home (or when you leave to go get the child if adopting from another country.) You may also be eligible to take time off during the adoption process to meet with lawyers or attend home visits. You can take paid vacation time as well, and some states and employers even allow you to take sick leave.

How and when should I request leave?
Federal guidelines require you to request leave at least 30 days before you plan to take it, but it may be best to give your boss more advance notice — you don't want to wait until you're obviously showing to tell your employer about your pregnancy. But you may want to wait until after your first trimester, when your risk of miscarriage goes down significantly. After that, think about breaking the news as soon as you've thought about your leave request and your post-pregnancy work schedule. You'll be in a stronger position to negotiate a leave if you approach your boss with a specific plan and allow him or her plenty of time to help you implement it. (If you have trusted co-workers who have been through this before, ask them how they handled their leave and what kind of reaction they got.) Offer your boss solutions rather than problems by having some ideas for how your work can be handled while you're away.

How do I decide when to start my leave?
There's no "right time" to stop working. A lot will depend on your energy level, how easy or complicated your pregnancy becomes after the initial exhausting months, and the stress and physical labor involved in your career, not to mention your financial situation. Some women start their leave in the seventh or eighth month while others work right up until delivery. You'll need to monitor your pregnancy to determine the right time to start maternity leave. If your doctor puts you on bed rest or complications develop that require you to be out of work before you give birth, you'll most likely be put on short-term disability if your state or company offers it.

Under the FMLA, you can start taking unpaid leave anytime during your pregnancy — or anytime thereafter — as long as you conclude your leave within the first 12 months after your child's arrival. Check with your human resources department to find out if any limitations apply under your company's leave policies.

What if my employer denies my request for unpaid leave?
If you're sure you qualify under the FMLA or your state's provisions, make sure you've given the required notice and you have a plan to get your responsibilities covered while you're gone. Then, gently let your employer know more about these laws. Contact the U.S. Department of Labor for an FMLA fact sheet and advice on how to get your employer to comply. But start by being reasonable. You don't want to alienate your boss by making demands unless you have to.

If reason doesn't work and you believe you're entitled to leave, contact your regional office of the Labor Department's Wage and Hour Division to file a complaint. A phone call from the Labor Department to your employer can resolve most problems. If the problem is not resolved, the Labor Department will investigate your complaint and may sue your employer on your behalf. If you don't get immediate results, consider hiring a lawyer who is familiar with employees' rights to help you.

Where can I get more information?
To find out what kind of disability or unemployment insurance and other family leave provisions are currently available or coming soon to your state, check with your state's department of labor.

For a directory of companies that offer private short-term disability coverage for individuals, contact the Health Insurance Association of America.

For more information on the FMLA and family leave policies contact:

U.S. Department of Labor
Wage and Hour Division
200 Constitution Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20210
Phone: (866) 487-9243

National Partnership for Women & Families
1875 Connecticut Avenue, NW, Suite 710
Washington, DC 20009
Phone: (202) 986-2600
Fax: (202) 986-2539
http://www.nationalpartnership.org/

Families and Work Institute
267 Fifth Ave., 2nd floor
New York, NY 10016
Telephone: (212) 465-2044
Fax: (212) 465-8637
http://www.familiesandwork.org

[MsNelle5]

What is paternity leave?
Paternity leave is the time a father takes off work at the birth or adoption of a child. This kind of leave is rarely paid. A few progressive companies offer new dads paid time off, ranging from a few days to a few weeks. And in 2004, California will become the first state to offer paid family leave. (If you work in that state, you may be able to take up to six weeks at partial pay to care for your new baby.) Paid family leave bills have been introduced in other states as well. In the meantime, though, most fathers take vacation time or sick days when their children are born, and a growing number of new dads are taking unpaid family leave from their jobs to spend more time with their newborns. Here's how to find out if you're eligible for unpaid leave and how to make it work.

How can I tell if I'm entitled to unpaid leave?
Start by asking your company's human resources department. Many employers are required by federal law to allow their employees (both men and women) 12 weeks of unpaid family leave after the birth or adoption of a child under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). At the end of your leave, your employer must allow you to return to your job or a similar job with the same salary, benefits, working conditions, and seniority. You're eligible if you meet both of the following conditions:
• You work for the federal government, a state or local government, or any company that has 50 or more employees working within 75 miles of your workplace

• You've worked for your employer for at least 12 months and for at least 1,250 hours during the previous year (which comes out to 25 hours per week for 50 weeks)

There are a few exceptions: Your employer can deny you this leave if you're in the highest paid 10 percent of wage earners at your company and can show that your absence would cause substantial economic harm to the organization. In this case, your employer isn't required to keep your job open for you. Another exception is if you and your partner both work for the same company. In this case, you're only entitled to a combined 12 weeks of parental leave between the two of you. Even if you're not eligible under the FMLA, you may still be eligible for leave under your state's provisions, which are usually more generous than the FMLA, or under your company's policy.

Your company may require that the paid leave you take count toward the 12 weeks allowed under FMLA. But some states allow you to take the full 12 weeks in addition to whatever paid leave you've taken and, of course, individual employers may also allow this. You can use your unpaid leave in any way you want during the first year after your child is born or place with you. That means you can take it all at once or, as long as your employer agrees, spread it out over your child's first year by taking it in chunks or reducing your normal weekly or daily work schedule.

What happens to my benefits while I'm out on leave?
According to the FMLA, your employer must continue to keep you on their health insurance plan while you're on leave. Most typically, a company will pay your premiums for you but ask you to reimburse them for your share (the amount that's usually taken out of your paycheck). If your company is particularly generous, they may cover your share themselves and not ask you to pay them back. However, in rare cases, your employer may choose to put you on COBRA a program in which you continue to be covered under the same plan but you must pay the entire premium yourself (at an average of about $500 a month).

If you tell your company you don't plan to return to work following your leave or if your job is eliminated while you're gone, your employer may stop paying your premiums and may even require you to pay back the money spent to maintain your health insurance while you were on leave. That's unless the reason you don't return to work is because you've developed a serious medical condition or some other circumstances beyond your control (say, your spouse is transferred to a job in another city and you have to move there).

The FMLA doesn't require employers to allow you to accrue benefits or time toward seniority when you're out on leave. That means the clock may stop on things like vacation accrual and the amount of time you can say you've been with the company in order to qualify for things like:

• Raises based on seniority or length of service

• Additional vacation days per year

• Participation in your company's 401k plan or vesting of your company's matching investment

• Vesting of stock options

Finally, you won't be able to contribute to your 401(k) or flexible spending account while you're on leave since you're not receiving a paycheck and thus can't contribute pre-tax dollars.

What if I'm adopting a child or taking in a foster child?
You may take FMLA leave, vacation time, or possibly accrued sick leave if you're adopting or taking in a foster child. Generally, leave begins once the child arrives at your home (or when you leave to go get the child if adopting from another country.) You may also be eligible to take time off during the adoption process to meet with lawyers or attend home visits.

Will taking paternity leave hurt my job?
It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against an employee who has taken leave. However, this is still a common concern for men, and it makes many reluctant to take paternity leave. There's no way to tell for sure how your job will be affected; every employee's situation is different. To determine how taking leave might play at your company, find out whether other men have done it and how they were treated by their co-workers and bosses. If others have successfully blazed the trail, it may be easier for you.

Why would a company or boss be reluctant to allow paternity leave?
According to Ross Parke, professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside, the reasons range from misinformation to ignorance to financial constraints. But Parke believes societal factors are primarily to blame. In researching his book with Armin Brott, "Throwaway Dads," Parke found that the primary obstacle existed in the minds of the fathers who feared it would harm their career. "Offering paternity leave is only half the battle," he says. "The real problem is getting men to actually take it."

Perceptions are changing, however. A national survey showed that across the board, large majorities of men and women say that it's important for employers to give workers time off to meet family responsibilities, and similarly both men and women support expansion of the FMLA.

How and when should I request leave?
Federal guidelines require you to request leave 30 days before you plan to take it, but it may be best to give your boss more advance notice. Consider discussing paternity leave with your employer as soon as you're ready to announce the pregnancy — usually after your partner's first trimester, when the chances of miscarriage go down significantly. You'll be in a stronger position to negotiate a leave if you approach your boss with a specific plan and allow him or her plenty of time to help you implement it. (If you have trusted co-workers who have been through this before, ask them how they handled their leave and what kind of reaction they got.) Offer your boss solutions rather than problems by having some ideas for how your work can be handled while you're away. Consider asking for leave and getting approval early in the pregnancy even if you're not sure you'll want to or be able to take unpaid leave when the time comes. It's easier to come back early than it is to ask for more time.

[MsNelle5]

What if my employer denies my request for paternity leave?
If you're sure you qualify under the FMLA or your state's provisions, make sure you've given the required notice and you have a plan to get your responsibilities covered while you're gone. Then, gently let your employer know more about these laws. Print out a copy of the FMLA fact sheet available from the U.S. Department of Labor and check out their advice on how to get your employer to comply. But start by being reasonable. You don't want to alienate your boss by making demands unless you have to.

If reason doesn't work and you believe you're entitled to leave, contact your regional office of the Labor Department's Wage and Hour Division to file a complaint. A phone call from the Labor Department to your employer can resolve most problems. If the problem is not resolved, the Labor Department will investigate your complaint and may sue your employer on your behalf. If you don't get immediate results, consider hiring a lawyer who is familiar with employees' rights to help you.

What if I don't qualify for leave under FMLA?
If you work only part time or for a small company, you don't qualify for paternity leave under FMLA and your employer may not provide this benefit. If this is the case, it can't hurt to ask your boss for a leave of absence anyway. Many companies may still be willing to negotiate some sort of time off for a valued employee. The earlier you start making a case for yourself as a valuable, hard-working person, the better position you'll be in for bargaining. If you're affiliated with a labor union, ask your union representative or your manager if you qualify for leave under union rules.

If you're still not getting anywhere, make sure you find out whether you're entitled to some kind of leave under your state's laws as these benefits may be more generous than the FMLA. Talking with other new dads about how they managed time away from work might also give you more creative ideas about how to take the time off to bond with your newborn child.

How can I make the most of my time with my family if I can't take unpaid leave?
If you're not able to take paternity leave, here are a few ideas for maximizing your time with your new family:

• Consider working overtime before your baby comes and exchange it for time off after the birth.

• On nights when you don't have to work the next day, have your partner wake you up when the baby is finished nursing so you can be the one to rock her back to sleep. Or take turns getting up for feedings.

• Your child will experience many "firsts" in her first year of life. Whenever these events can be scheduled, do so when you have time off from work.

• During the first year of your baby's life, look at any activities that take you away from your baby. Consider saying no to some of those events to spend more time with your newborn.

[September7bride]

Nelle, great info, please keep it coming.

[Tulani]

Nelle, this is a great thread and that SIDS article was very informative!

[MsNelle5]

Thanks Moe and Tulani! And :congrats: Tulani on your pregnancy! :preggo:

[MsNelle5]

Z-man has switched over to whole milk! :hyper:

It was alot easier than I thought...I just tried giving him 1/2 a bottle of milk (warm of course, he refuses to drink cold formula or milk :hellno: ) and he drank it! So his babysitter and I gradually started substituting 1 of his daily bottles of formula for 1 of milk, and it worked! Zaire drinks milk now! :clap:

[MsNelle5]

What does it mean to swaddle a baby?
Swaddling is the art of snugly wrapping your baby in a blanket for warmth and security. It can also keep him from being disturbed by his own startle reflex, and it may even help him stay warm and toasty for the first few days of life until his internal thermostat kicks in. Most important, it's a method that can help a baby get calmer.

Nowadays, you probably won't leave the hospital without a little lesson in this technique. Try it, after you've made sure your baby isn't hungry, wet, or tired. It can be used to help settle your baby down when he's overstimulated or when he just needs to feel something close to the tightness and security of the womb. Once your baby is about a month old you might want to stop swaddling him while he's awake as it may interfere with mobility and development in older babies. It's fine to keep swaddling your baby while sleeping if he seems to sleep better that way; he'll let you know by crying or kicking when he no longer wants to be bundled up.

How do I perform this cozy art?

• Lay a blanket on a flat surface and fold down the top-right corner about 6 inches.

• Place your baby on his back with his head on the fold.

• Pull the corner near your baby's left hand across his body, and tuck the leading edge under his back on the right side under the arm.

• Pull the bottom corner up under your baby's chin.

• Bring the loose corner over your baby's right arm and tuck it under the back on his left side. Some babies prefer to have their arms free, so you may prefer to swaddle your child under the arms so he has access to his hands and fingers.

[MsNelle5]

What is cord blood banking, and how is it done?
Cord blood banking is a procedure in which the blood left in your baby's umbilical cord and placenta after birth is collected, frozen, and stored for future medical use.

The process of collecting cord blood is painless and safe for you and your baby, and it doesn't interfere with your birth plans or your partner's decision to cut the umbilical cord. After you've delivered your baby (either vaginally or via cesarean section), the cord has been clamped and cut, your midwife or doctor or nurse will insert a needle into the umbilical vein on the part of the cord that's still attached to your placenta. The needle doesn't go anywhere near your baby. As the blood flows out, it's usually collected in a blood bag. Typically, the entire process takes less than ten minutes. (See a slide show of a collection procedure provided by LifebankUSA, a private cord blood bank.)

Once the blood is sealed in the bag, it's shipped to a cord blood bank, where it's processed and frozen for long-term storage.

Why is cord blood so valuable?
Cord blood is prized because it's a rich source of stem cells — the building blocks of the blood and immune system. Stem cells have the ability to differentiate into other tissues, organs, and blood vessels, and they can be used to treat a host of diseases.

For patients with conditions like leukemia, for instance, chemotherapy is often used to rid their bodies of diseased cells and restore normal blood cell production. Usually, normal blood cell production resumes and the disease goes into remission. But if the treatment fails or disease recurs, doctors often add a stem cell transplant to the treatment regimen. By using a transfusion of stem cells in cord blood from a healthy donor, a new blood and immune system can be generated and the patient has a better chance of making a full recovery. Unlike the stem cells in bone marrow — the most common source of stem cells today — stem cells in cord blood are immature and haven't yet learned how to attack foreign substances. As a result, patients who receive stem cells from cord blood are less likely to reject the transfusion.

What diseases can be treated with cord blood?
Cord blood has been used successfully to treat leukemia, immune deficiency, sickle cell anemia, aplastic anemia, thalassemia, lymphomas such as Hodgkin's disease and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and similar but lesser-known conditions. The vast majority of these patients received cord blood stem cells from a sibling or non-relative. To date, only a few children have been treated successfully with their own cord blood because all of these diseases have a genetic basis. If a child with leukemia, for instance, were to be treated with his own cord blood, he could eventually develop the disease again because his cord blood contains the genetic code for leukemia. Researchers are investigating ways to remedy this issue.

Promising new research indicates that cord blood may eventually be used to treat people with conditions as varied as diabetes, spinal-cord injuries, heart failure, stroke, and neurological disorders such as multiple sclerosis. However, most of these studies have been performed on animals and the results are much more preliminary, say some experts, than the public has been led to believe. "Breakthroughs occur daily," says Laura Riley, an obstetrician at Massachusetts General Hospital. "But most people are overly optimistic about the amount of progress thus far."

Scientists are hopeful that one day adult patients will routinely be able to receive their own cord blood as treatment. A newborn's cord blood doesn't contain enough stem cells to successfully treat an adult over about 100 pounds. Researchers have developed methods to expand the volume of stem cells in a cord blood unit, and they're testing them in clinical trials now, but these procedures are not yet commonplace.

Is cord blood the only source of stem cells?
No, the stem cells used in most transplants today come from bone marrow — the spongy tissue found inside larger bones. Bone marrow transplants have been performed successfully since 1969, nearly 20 years before the first successful cord blood transplant. Stem cells are also found in blood circulating in the body, human embryos, fetal tissue, hair follicles, fat, and muscle. And new sources of stem cells are being discovered regularly. Recently, Songtao Shi, a stem cell biologist at the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research, at the National Institutes of Health, discovered living stem cells in one of his daughter's lost baby teeth that he was preparing for the tooth fairy. Though the discovery is still new, Shi's preliminary research shows that stem cells isolated from baby teeth can develop into nerve cells, and induce bone and outer-tooth cell formation. It's possible that stem cells from baby teeth may eventually be used to repair damaged teeth, regenerate bone, and even treat nerve tissue injuries and degenerative diseases.

Are cord blood stem cells better than bone marrow stem cells?
Not necessarily. Both bone marrow and cord blood stem cells have advantages and disadvantages, and certain conditions dictate the use of one over the other. If the day comes when your child needs a stem cell transplant, the surgeon may reject cord blood in favor of bone marrow or vice versa. Here's a closer look at the pros and cons of cord blood and bone marrow.

Advantages of cord blood:

• Cord blood is less likely than bone marrow to cause life-threatening rejection complications, so patients can receive cord blood from donors who aren't exact tissue matches.

• The waiting time for a cord blood unit averages three weeks (as compared to four months for bone marrow). Speed is important for patients with rapidly advancing diseases.

• Collecting cord blood is painless and has no side effects. Bone marrow harvesting can be painful, requires hospitalization, and can have serious side effects such as anesthesia reaction or infection.

• Cord blood is much less likely than bone marrow to be contaminated by viruses such as Epstein-Barr or cytomegalovirus, which can cause pneumonia in transplant patients.

Advantages of bone marrow:

• Bone marrow transplants often start producing new cells (a process known as engraftment) one to two weeks faster than cord blood transplants. The longer the engraftment period, the more likely patients are to develop complications.

• Bone marrow can be used to treat patients of any size. Cord blood transplants are usually limited to patients under about 100 pounds, unless multiple units are used or the cells in one unit are expanded successfully in the lab.

• More than one unit of bone marrow can be collected from the same donor. This can become necessary if a patient relapses or a transplant fails to produce new cells. Only one unit of cord blood is available from each donor.

Does my newborn need the blood in his umbilical cord?
Some parents worry that newborns need the blood and stem cells in their umbilical cords and that clamping the cord too soon after delivery (a necessary step for cord blood harvesting) will harm their babies. But for the vast majority of babies, clamping the cord shortly after birth is perfectly safe and, in some cases, can even reduce the risk of serious, even life-threatening, conditions, says George Mussalli, maternal-fetal medicine specialist and director of obstetrics at North Central Bronx Hospital and Jacobi Medical Center in New York.

If a baby who was born prematurely or suffered restricted growth in the womb, for example, absorbs the additional blood in his umbilical cord, he could end up with too much blood, a condition known as hypervolemia that can cause circulatory problems and even heart failure. For babies whose mothers had gestational diabetes, delayed cord blood clamping can cause a thickening of the blood (polycythemia) that can lead to seizures and a dangerous form of jaundice known as hyperbilirubinemia. If the mother has developed an immune response to her baby (a condition known as alloimmunization) are also at risk for hyperbilirubinemia if the umbilical cord isn't clamped quickly.

The only babies who can benefit from the additional blood in their umbilical cords are those who have lost blood — which is often the case when the placenta separates too early from the uterine wall (placental abruption), or when fetal blood vessels from the placenta or umbilical cord cross the entrance to the birth canal (vasa previa). In these situations, doctors actively milk the cord blood from the placenta toward the infant to help provide blood volume and red cell transfusion. "If such a circumstance arises in a baby destined for cord blood harvesting, it's wiser to let the cord blood go into the baby than to remove it for blood banking that will likely never get used," says Mussalli.

[MsNelle5]

How can I bank my baby's cord blood for future use?
You have two options: public cord blood banks, where you donate the blood for the good of the public, and private cord blood banks, where you pay a fee to store the blood for your family's personal use.

Some medical experts believe that public cord blood banking is the only way to go. They argue that many more people would benefit from cord blood if it were routinely stored and released to those who need it most. Keeping cord blood in a private bank, they say, is a classic example of "me first" thinking because the chances your own family will ever need the blood are very low — estimates range from 1 in 1,400 to 1 in 200,000, depending on who you ask.

Others say private cord blood banking is a great insurance policy if you can afford it, especially if you have a family history of diseases that can be treated with cord blood, or your children belong to an ethnic minority group. They argue that private banking is the only option for most parents, other than throwing cord blood away, because there are so few public banks that accept donations.

To find out more about both options, and decide which one is right for you, see:

Private Cord Blood Banking (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/1369773.html)

Donating your baby's cord blood (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/1356495.html)

[MsNelle5]

Writing a birth plan can do a lot for you. It gives you an opportunity to think ahead about how you want your delivery to go. It prompts you and your healthcare provider or birth attendant to talk about the details of the birth. And it makes your medical team aware of your preferences as you start labor.

Our interactive worksheet below is a four-step exercise to help you create a list of birth preferences. Because so much depends on your doctor or midwife, where you decide to deliver (hospital, birth center, or home), and even where you live (urban, suburban, or rural area), you might want to do some research to find out what's possible -- and what isn't -- before you begin the worksheet.

Once you fill it out, take the list with you to your next appointment and go over it with your provider. Then come back to the worksheet and enter any modifications you and your provider have agreed on. The result is the final birth plan you'll take with you on delivery day.

CREATE MY OWN BIRTH PLAN (http://www.babycenter.com/calculators/birthplan/)

[Lex82]

Congratulation Zaire! and I think Cord Blood is a great way to do something for your baby. I actually stored my daughters stem cells when she was born in one of the first companies (www.cryo-cell.com , which also haves more info on their site) to do so. I studied the prices, the purpose, and went to a informative seminar the company offered. There is still some controversy with the use of stem cells but I figure it was better to have and not need then need and not have. I would recommend all expecting mothers to check into it just as much as breast feeding.

[MsNelle5]

First Trimester
I wish I had known ...

"That my first trimester would be so hard on my partnership. I always wanted a family and looked forward to being pregnant, but my hormones were raging and I felt unsure and unhappy for a while. I didn't expect my fiancé and I would fight as much as we did!" — Tara

"How bad morning sickness could be." — Wendy

"How much I would worry — about how the baby is doing, how he/she is growing, different pains, etc. There are a lot of unknowns." — Julie

"That I'd feel tired all the time — like constantly being on cold medication, my breasts would feel like they weighed 12 pounds each, and prenatal vitamins are huge and they taste disgusting!" — Anonymous

"That you can have no problems: no morning sickness, extreme fatigue, aches and pains, hunger, or cravings — and still have a healthy baby! When I went to the doctor for the first visit, I was terrified she would tell me I was not actually pregnant or that something was wrong because I had no symptoms." — Tricia

"How difficult pregnancy can be on marriage, and a way to better communicate and be there for my spouse while dealing with many other issues." — Cate

Second Trimester
I wish I had known ...

"That my feet would swell for four months! They did eventually deflate, but they're a whole size larger now. I had to give away all my shoes and buy new ones!" — Anonymous

"That some women don't love being pregnant, and the pregnancy glow doesn't happen to everyone! I was surprised at how little I enjoyed being pregnant — I always thought I would love it!" — Jill

"About the stretching ligament pain — it feels like my hips and bones are stretching apart. And I'm extremely dry all over, flaking and itching." — Diane

"That every stranger in the world thinks it's okay to touch your stomach." — Amy

"How bad the forgetfulness and mental dullness would be. Stupidity has been my worst symptom!" — Cary

"About the constipation and flatulence. My husband was convinced that someone kidnapped his real wife." — Anonymous

"That you can develop carpal tunnel during pregnancy." — Kim

Third Trimester
I wish I had known ...

"That pregnancy is really ten months!" — Anonymous

"About the cramping feelings you get as your uterus stretches. It was unnerving to feel that and not know that it was normal." — Anonymous

"That when you get further into your pregnancy be careful about sneezing and laughing too hard or you might find yourself needing another pair of underwear." — Carrie

"To have a bag packed about two months ahead of time. I went in early and my husband ran home to get some stuff for me. He brought me thong underwear!" — Devan

"To write my birth plan and pack my bag early. If my birthing class coach hadn't told us to pack our bag for practice, I wouldn't have been ready when Kyle came early!" — Lisa

"That morning sickness can happen any time of day and just because you reach your third trimester, it doesn't mean it goes away!" — Denise

"About false labor. I went through an entire night of it, thinking 'it's time.' Then it died down to nothing the following day. I thought something was seriously wrong with my body!" — Carol

Labor and Delivery
I wish I had known ...

"Not to let anyone else's opinions diminish my belief in what I'd decided was right for me. Remember that this is your childbirth experience, your body, and your family." — Kristin

"That just because my mom, sister, and aunts had easy vaginal deliveries, it didn't mean that I would. I went in thinking it would be quick and fairly easy and ended up with a 24-hour labor and a c-section, but one beautiful daughter!" — Amanda

"That delivery can go well. I had myself all worked up for a long, drawn-out painful birth experience. My labor and delivery went off without a hitch and thanks to the epidural, were relatively pain-free. If I had known that it was possible to enjoy giving birth, I would have done it years ago!" — Anonymous

"That the recovery period would be more painful than childbirth. I couldn't sit for about four days due to swelling and pain. I wish I had known to ask for a pain medication prescription while I was still at the hospital." — Anonymous

"About the amount of pain associated with back labor. I knew that labor in general would be tough and that back labor was a possibility, but I was simply told that it was like bad back cramps. For me, it felt like someone was drilling into my back with a jackhammer while, at the same time, using a world kickboxing champion to beat on me from the inside." — Anonymous

"How great it would be to watch the baby be born with a mirror! A doctor brought one in for me. I was able to see that little face come out and look at it for the first time. Those are memories that a lot of people just don't have and I will never forget." — Anonymous

"That standing up the first time is weird and hard! My legs started to buckle under me. Luckily the nurse was right there." — Erika

"Not to be embarrassed about anything that happens in the labor room. I pooped on the floor because of my horrible back labor, but not one nurse even blinked an eye. God bless them!" — Stacy

"That in the hospital they may give you the opportunity to apply for a social security number for your newborn — do it! You need the number to get some of the other necessary paperwork done later. Also, request two copies of the birth certificate so that you can keep them in different places." — Anonymous

"How difficult natural birth would be. I just always assumed I would get an epidural but unfortunately, I was too far dilated when I got to the hospital. Labor, though only an hour, was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life." — Pamela

"How important it is to know all about my insurance policies and rules regarding doctor visits, labor, and delivery charges. What happens if your insurance changes in the middle of the pregnancy and you have to switch hospitals? What a scary mess to deal with on top of those hormones!" — Coral

"To have a birth plan detailing medications. I want an epidural, but I know now that I don't want anything like Demerol because of the effect it had on me during my first daughter's birth. Also, remember to have a copy of the birth plan with you." — Anonymous

Postpartum
I wish I had known ...

"To buy a breast pump ahead of time. I figured there was no hurry because I would breastfeed exclusively at first and pump later when I started working again, but I had horrible engorgement problems and without a breast pump it was extremely painful and difficult." — Anonymous

"How fast your milk comes in. It was a few days after birth, but I expected a little dribble, not a gush! Get those nursing pads ASAP!" — Karri

"How much fun it would be to watch someone blossom right before your eyes. Everything is new to them and it's so amazing!" — Carolyn

"How much work it can be (but also rewarding) just to be able to watch an infant grow into an independent little one. It's been a amazing journey." — Brooke

"That one of the things I would miss most is being able to just get up and go — not having to worry about the diaper bag, car seat, and all that good stuff." — Anonymous

"That I would have to wear my maternity clothes for so long after the baby was born! I was not mentally prepared for that one." — Anonymous

"About the incredibly intense emotions I would feel toward my baby. I never imagined I could feel such a range of emotions, from happiness and love to fear and worry. It's okay to cry about these feelings after the baby is born. It's all a natural part of life." — Bethany

"That I wouldn't be able to control my bladder after birth! I was shocked when I just started to leak on my way to the bathroom." — Anonymous

"That breastfeeding would be so difficult and arduous, and that motherhood would be so, frankly, unenjoyable in the beginning. I hadn't read up on breastfeeding and was totally taken by surprise. These early weeks have been harder than my pregnancy and labor combined — all, I think, because I just wasn't well enough informed." — Anonymous

"How much it would hurt to have sex after birth — even eight to ten weeks after the baby. I understand now that this can be caused by dryness, but